Should I help?

This weekend, I decided that I should step out of my angry self and look at things at a slightly different angle about lending a hand and volunteer to help the disabled. Triangle is an organization that helps the disabled by fund raising in a silent auction. I helped with the setup of things such as setting up the dinning tables, and stringing up balloons and putting program books on the tables and etc...

I am neither proud nor disappointed on my recent change in attitude towards helping the less fortunate. I have reasons for my reluctant in helping and my reasons for a slight change in attitude also. As I was growing up. I had to face hardship, and of course many can relate because I grew up in lower income families and basically almost everyone in my neighborhood was probably on the same boat. But in my opinion my hardship are a little more extensive due to my parent's attitude which developed mine. My parents see getting help from someone is a sign of weakness. And this is a very common trait among Chinese. So unlike others faces hardship in my neighborhood, we did not get any government benefits. We couldn't get government benefits because neither of my parents can speak or write in English. My parents not only unable to get help, they didn't even know it existed nor know how to ask for it. So when I was growing up, I never ask for help. Never think for a moment that someone is just going to lend a hand and help me on my feet. I did it myself. If I can't then I'll find a way, and if I can't find a way, I'll suffer the consequences. My attitude towards others are always, do it yourself, help yourself, don't tell me you can't because I can and I did it on my own. I face money hardship, racial prejudice, language barriers, and worst of all loneliness and depression, and I am here as a testament of my own will to survive.

But recently I have many things that happened to me that allows me to see things differently. Made me feel that I should reach out and help someone without expecting anything in return. Recently, my life changed for the better. Since my uncle came to the US and spoke to my parents. The constant stress about my relationship with my Fiancée and my parents are no longer there. Giving me the opportunity to focus on my financial and career situation. Allowing my life to once again move forward. Recent influx of contracting work has giving me extra money to pay off debts and purchase a few needed things around the house. And like wise, I had settle down in a very stable company with a great team to work with. My relationship with my parents and my Fiancée has never been better. So I started thinking, if life treats me well, why do I need other to treat me well before giving back? My Fiancée has been in situation where if not for helping hands, she'll never be where she is now. I should be glad and happy and start giving back because of that. Helping someone does mean it give them the opportunity to slack off, but lending them a helping hand may mean the difference of living or dying.

I am not proud nor do I think better of myself because I volunteer, but I do see this as a way to help myself move beyond my anger, move beyond my solitary way of thinking.